Tag Archives: poem

Hangin’ on the telephone

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Don’t leave me hangin’ on the telephoneBlondie

Tick tocking on the clock

Feeling like the time has stopped

Waiting for your little text

When will you talk to me next

You leave me hanging for days and days

Hanging on the telephone

This may be one sided but I feel it isn’t so

But I’m tired of being the one to say hello

Opening lines to keep you near

I closed the lines and opened fear

Because you’ve left me hanging

Hanging on the telephone

Nails click and teeth grind

Unlocking the screen only to find

No message no questions no how are you

I keep telling myself this friendship is through

But it’s not and it can’t and I know it’s a lie

No matter how much I think it I can’t say goodbye

So I stay and I wait for you to make the first move

Hoping you’ll surprise me and finally prove

That it’s not just me and I don’t have to be alone

But still you leave me hanging on the telephone

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Hello again

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Hello dear reader

I know it’s been a long time. I’m sorry. The past few months have been both enjoyable and heartbreaking. Perhaps I should start with the thing that started all this sorrow. I made a bad call. I let someone who I knew was a waste of space into my sisters life. He was an utter idiot and pretended he didn’t even know her when they were together. A slimy little waste of air and I introduced him to her. It makes me sick to think how he came between myself, my best friend and my sister. Because she was more concerned about herself and the fun she was having with him, and ignored the fact that myself and my friend knew him better and knew that he was this way. So it caused arguments. And caused me to lose a lot of trust for my sister and totally lose my friend. There were problems in the friendship between the three of us already; but this situation made it worse. Pushing it to breaking point.

My sister lied about a lot of things. When away with him without any money or transport of her own having only known him a few weeks. She made some stupid potentially dangerous decisions and that infuriated me. I’ve always been the one to fight off her bullies and defend her. But this time I wouldn’t be able to. She didn’t even see how it could potentially be dangerous. I don’t think I can ever have the same relationship with her as we had before. Too many other things got brought up when arguing. I’m trying. So hard. But sometimes I just get so annoyed. I don’t like change. Don’t adapt well.

So now I’m quite alone. It’s a terrible feeling to not be able to trust people. To be lonely. I miss my friend. She isn’t bothered. I’ve been replaced by trendier sycophantic “friends”. So it’s basically just me and my dogs. I have a team I work with but they’re far away and we don’t meet up or anything. I have Facebook friends but they’re not really interested in me. And I have friends I different countries but the are so far away.

I enjoy my job though. It keeps me from being a hermit. I get to meet different people and make sure they have a fun filled party. That’s good. I wish I could do it full time though. I’m working on being proactive and getting those bookings. I’m s hard for someone with depression to be peppy but I will keep trying.

My life isn’t a completely fulfilled and happy one. But I’m still trying to make it that way. I won’t give up. No matter how lonely or worthless I feel. I’ll keep at it.

Little Notes In Library Books XIV

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Little Notes In Library Books XIV

(Photo courtesy of google images)

Sometimes I feel like there's a hand in my stomach squeezing and twisting all the way up to my throat
The cold claws dig deep into my scalp releasing a stinging venom that trickles down my eyes and cheeks
Steel rods punch into my sternum with a force that could knock down the most muscular body
A large burning ball in my throat nearly chokes me to death and I swallow hard to shift it
That's when the despair, distress, alarm, fear, helplessness kicks in
That's when I feel I've lost all control
When I know I can't keep everyone safe
When my mind races with exaggerated scenarios and shows me scenes I don't want to think about
Oh I'm sorry, do I seem a little snappy?
It's ok, don't you worry about a thing; I'm fine… really

When in the dark I think

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When in the dark I think

Sometimes my mind hurts me 

I say the wrong things

I push the argument

I play devils advocate just because

I make them hate me 

I hate me

I feel the pain of the other times

The times when I did this before

The time I pushed him to breaking

The time I made him hurt

The time he paid me back

The time he stopped caring

I created it and I use it now

I use it to strengthen the pain

I bathe in the pain 

I say the wrong things

I lose

Little Notes In Library Books V 

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Image: Winged ship fleeing into the open waters, by Vladimir Kush

Don’t be scared

I know it’s scary

Out of your control 

The waves will take you where they wish 

Your path is planned by the overpowering sea

Your fate whatever the water decides it to be 

You daren’t even face the direction you secretly desire 

You are helpless 

Except…
 I am the breeze 

I will guild your ship to the shore 

The haven you seek

I will fill your sails with life and not falter until you are home

I can do that, I am the breeze that with the sun shine guides you

Raise your sails, let me do this for you 

Don’t be scared

I will blow gently through your hair as you sleep

Sending you sweet dreams and comfort till morning 

I will fight away the rain

I can do that

I can do that for you

Let me do that for you 

Little notes in library books III

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Little notes in library books III

Let me please you 

Let me sit naked before you. Waiting your command

I will call you master. Here. Now. I am yours to use as you will

This body belongs to you. Am I your favourite toy?

Outside these four walls we are different. But inside. Here. Now. You are the power

I will beg. I will do as you command. I will open up. I will take you in. I will push myself to the limit and wait on your intense and addictive rewards. 

And I will thank you master for it all

You are the only one who can do this. You know me. Every inch of me. You know what makes me writhe with undiluted ecstasy

Let me please you as you please me