Tag Archives: love

Hangin’ on the telephone


Don’t leave me hangin’ on the telephoneBlondie

Tick tocking on the clock

Feeling like the time has stopped

Waiting for your little text

When will you talk to me next

You leave me hanging for days and days

Hanging on the telephone

This may be one sided but I feel it isn’t so

But I’m tired of being the one to say hello

Opening lines to keep you near

I closed the lines and opened fear

Because you’ve left me hanging

Hanging on the telephone

Nails click and teeth grind

Unlocking the screen only to find

No message no questions no how are you

I keep telling myself this friendship is through

But it’s not and it can’t and I know it’s a lie

No matter how much I think it I can’t say goodbye

So I stay and I wait for you to make the first move

Hoping you’ll surprise me and finally prove

That it’s not just me and I don’t have to be alone

But still you leave me hanging on the telephone


Going Under


Hello dear reader,

It’s been quite a while since we last spoke. To tell you everything that has happened in my life since the last time would take a while so I’ll just start from now. Right now I’m struggling dear reader. Anxiety is a horrible thing, it stops you in your tracks and holds you where you are, unable to move, just held in the air waiting to fall and hit the ground.

That’s where my mind is at the moment, not knowing how to move either way. I must explain at this point that this is nothing new to me. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and am prone to bouts of depression. On top of this I have joint hyper mobility which means I’m always achy and tired.

Usually I am able to keep this under control. I take my meds, I try to meditate and I strive to be the most cheery person in the room.

But it’s a constant struggle, pretending to be “normal” all the time. It’s exhausting. This month everything seemed to pile on top of me. I find coping with change very difficult and a lot of things have changed. Professional life, personal life and the environment around me.
I’m seen as the one people can talk to when they need help. And I help. I make sure I’ve done my very best to help. And when they are all better I smile and encourage them to grow further. Then, at night when I go to bed and close the door; I sit alone with my own issues and slowly drown. That’s what it feels like doesn’t it. Like you’re drowning in your own sorrow. The panic attacks set in, the nagging thoughts repeat over and over till morning. When you get up, smile and be ever so happy for people.

Oh yes. Update on the Mr Gitchops situation; 13th February 2017. That was the last time I spoke to him. I was so tired of trying. He didn’t seem to care either way. So I did the only thing I know how when someone is being so cold and utterly breaking my heart. I laughed.

Little Notes in Library Books IX

Little Notes in Library Books IX

My face is full

My breast ample

My hips round 

My thighs sturdy 

I appear solid

But I am not solid

This is just a delicate shell

Thin paper walls

Hiding the truth 

Loud sounds to hide the inner silence 

Hollow, cold, lonely

So alone my heart shivers

No warmth of love 

No comfort, support 

No home within me 

Just this paper shell

Echos of hope now died 

Romantic scenes now haunting silouettes 

Jaded and hopeless

But for one dim glow

The pilot light

The one that cannot stop loving

Cannot burn all hope out

The cold nothing creeps upon it

Threatening to extinguish faith 

Reels tick over a projector 

The dreams of a young girl

A star, special magic eyes, a horse, a talented young prince 

Someday someday excuse

Unloveable and unloved 

Alone without a soulmate to help my light shine and fill me with hope and love 

Alone without the star of the flickering movie

Sometimes it is the most important thing to a person

Like air

Sometimes the need for love is what wastes us away and makes us hollow inside

The directors dinner Part III

The directors dinner Part III

Suddenly, a loud crash and clatter thundered from the projection room at the back of the cinema.


There was a crash of metal then “OUCH… where is that film?” More clattering and crashing sounds echoed through the room before Jasmine heard Kai’s muffled voice again: “BINGO! Right, that goes on there and then that bit goes onto there…flick the switch and, TAH DAH!”

The lights dimmed the screen came to life. The title Casablanca appeared on the screen in huge letters behind Jasmine. She waited a moment, looking up at the projection room and wondering if her fiancé was now lost under a sea of film cans. Eventually, the little door opened and Kai appeared looking rather flustered. His hair was now crumpled, his tie loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt undone. Jasmine giggled at the sorry sight.

“Have fun, did you?” she joked.

“Err, yeah… I guess I’m not very good with the with the filing system in there,” he blushed “I found it though, Casablanca. For you, my love.” He motioned towards the screen in a very Bill and Ted kind of way.

Bounding over to Jasmine, he joined her on the picnic blanket. Jasmine picked up a strawberry, dipped it in the thick cream and held it up for Kai who leant forward and took a bite.

“This is all so wonderful. Thank you,” she absentmindedly wiped a spot of cream from the corner of his mouth.

“Well, I figured you would get bored at this event, but I was stoked that you agreed to come and support me, so I arranged to have this all ready for you. It’s the least I could do for you after having to endure my speech.” He looked down at the blanket and picked at a loose thread.

“Your speeches are never boring.”

Jasmine cupped his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly. She found it odd kissing him when he had a beard, but she didn’t mind the bristles tickling her face too much.

He rose to his knees so that he could lean in closer towards her. She draped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair as he took of his jacket and waistcoat. His mouth continued exploring hers before moving down her neck to her shoulder. He reached around and expertly unzipped her dress with one hand. As he pulled the dress down to her waist, his hands cupped and caressed her breasts before he trailed kisses back up to her mouth.

Jasmine moved her hands down from his hair to his chest where she located and undid the buttons of his shirt before pulling it down his arms. He swiftly took off his cufflinks and pulled the shirt off, tossing it aside. Kai gripped Jasmine’s thighs, pulling her legs either side of him, hitching up the long silver material.

He looked deep into her eyes as if asking permission. As she smiled back at him, he lowered her back until she was lying out on the blanket. He kissed her again, this time more passionately but still tender and lovingly.

Jasmine moved her hands down to the fly of his trousers and pulled down the zipper. Kai progressed slowly and gently inside her, moving like waves onto the sand on a calm summer’s day. Under the projection of the film, Jasmine and Kai tenderly made love to one another as though it was the first time. Only on that perfect night, did they both feel the magnitude of their growing love for each other.

As the film flicked around on the wheel creating a fluttering light in the darkness, Jasmine and Kai lay on the blanket together; holding hands before both falling asleep.


The Directors dinner Part II

The Directors dinner Part II

The dinner at the director’s house was a bore.

Jasmine looked around the grand marquee in the vast grounds of the mansion. It had been decorated with beautiful twinkling lights and swathes of material arranged from the roof. She looked at the people on her table; vacuous blonde models draped over old men with high blood pressure, who’s attraction lay solely in their bulging wallets and healthy bank balance.

Kai had left her at the table and gone to speak to Mr. Big-Shot-Director and his buddies. Jasmine was not interested in getting to know them. She had hated all his movies and found him to be a complete buffoon.

As she watched her beau converse enthusiastically with Mr. Big-Shot and his cronies, she turned her head away to the table and let out a loud, long yawn. The blonde with the sequined gold gown and no chest glowered at her. The other blondes then joined in, glaring, frowning and tutting. Jasmine felt like a naughty child that had interrupted a school assembly. She turned her head back to where Kai had been standing.

He wasn’t there.

Suddenly, she felt his warm hand touch her shoulder.

“This isn’t really your style is it?” He looked down at Jasmine as she turned her body round in her chair to face him. Leaning down towards her ear he whispered: “Truthfully, it’s not mine either.”

Mr. Big-Shot walked over and patted Kai on the back. As Kai stood up, the director handed him a key. He smiled, winked and then walked away.

“Thanks buddy,” Kai called after him, receiving a ‘no problem’ wave in return.

“What was that all about?” Jasmine enquired suspiciously.

“Oh, he just owes me a favour and I’m calling it in.” Kai picked Jasmine’s purse up from the table “Come on, let’s go.”

“What? We cant. You’re the guest of honour,” Jasmine responded. “ Anyway, what favour? How are you ‘calling it in’? What are you up to Kai Charles Evans?”

Ever the gentleman, Kai took her hand and helped her up out of her chair.

“Just trust me Jasmine Saffron Heart,” he grinned, making a point to enunciate each letter. Much to the disfavor of the on looking models, he kissed her tenderly on the lips. “It’s nothing bad, I promise.”

He picked up her shawl and handed it, along with the purse to Jasmine. Entwining his long fingers between hers, Kai led her out of the marquee. Instead of making his way down the side of the great house towards the car, he went to the tall patio doors, slid them open and helped her up the step.

“Now, I need a blindfold,” he said, sounding like a man on a mission. “Gimme that.” He nodded towards Jasmine’s hand.

“Why?” Jasmine queried, sounding worried. Kai took the shawl from her hand. “What are you going to do?” She was sure they where not allowed to be in this part of the estate and felt like an intruder in the grand mansion.

“I told you,” Kai said as he folded the shawl to half its width. “It’s nothing bad. Just humour me, will ya!”

He blindfolded her, taking care not to flatten her curls. A sudden surge of electricity shot through Jasmine as his hand brushed the back of her neck. Goosebumps covered her arms. Standing in front of her, taking hold of both her hands, he guided her forward. Before long, he placed his hands on her hips and turned her to her left.

As he moved to stand in front of her, Jasmine could smell Hugo Boss Man radiating from his skin. She threw her arms around his neck and nuzzled closer, breathing in his masculine scent. His beard tickled her face as she trailed soft kisses up to his ear. Kai turned his face to her and brushed his lips sensually across hers. Then, he stepped away. Once again he grasped her hands and continued to walk, stopping her at a set of steps.

“There are a couple of steps here, Angel. But don’t worry, I’ve got you.” He proceeded to escort her down the steep stairs. “That’s it, slowly… only a few more steps to go.”

When they reached the foot of the stairs, Kai stood Jasmine in front of a set of heavy double doors. She lifted her hands to remove the improvised blindfold, but her fiancé took her hands before she could remove the shawl.

“Not yet. Wait until we get in,” he said, now sounding excited and very pleased with himself. “Wait there.”

He took the key from his pocket, turned it in the lock and opened the door. He moved around to stand behind Jasmine before leading her onward an additional four steps. He closed and locked the doors behind them leaving the key in the lock. Slowly and carefully, he untied the blindfold.

As Jasmine’s eyes adjusted to the light she noticed that the dark ceiling was covered in low-lit spotlights. She looked down to find several rows of dark leather seats with cup holders in the arm of each one. As she turned to the front of the room her jaw dropped. There was a low, black stage in front of an immense cinema screen. She had to admit to herself, Mr. Big-Shot had good taste. The home cinema was the most impressive Jasmine had ever seen.

Kai ran enthusiastically to the stage and waved to Jasmine to join him. He then moved around to the back of the screen and returned with a red and white picnic blanket and a whicker hamper in his arms.

“So this is what you were plotting!” Jasmine exclaimed as Kai laid the blanket out and placed the hamper next to it. He helped her on to the blanket and poured her a flute of champagne.

“Make yourself cozy. I’ll be back in a sec,” he said, backing away towards the rear of the cinema. He stopped for a moment and turned to face her.

“Oh, by the way, what’s your favourite old film again?” He asked, cocking his head cutely to the side like an inquisitive pup.

“Err, I don’t know… Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” Jasmine answered.

“Really? Isn’t there anything else?” Kai complained as he scrunched up his face disapprovingly.

“You asked me what my favourite film was!” Jasmine shrugged. “What about Casablanca?” She took a sip of her champagne, it was cool and refreshing and the bubbles fizzed all the way down her throat.

“That’s much better,” Kai beamed as he turned back and disappeared through a little door at the back of the room.

Tucking her legs to one side, Jasmine leant over to the picnic basket and opened the lid. Inside there were little Tupperware pots containing strawberries, cream, and a Caesar salad. There was also a large box of Belgian chocolates. She took out the pot of ruby red strawberries and the container of cream. Grabbing one that looked big and juicy, Jasmine coated the tip in the cream and took a bite. It tasted heavenly.

The boy done good! She thought to herself.

Russia With Love


The lights flickered as the storm threatened to cut out the electricity, I hadn’t even wanted to go to Russia, and hated the little town we were staying in. Sebastian had wanted to give me the proper Eastern Europe small town stay experience, and he had succeeded. The temperature was below freezing and the doorway to the little cottage was blocked with snow. Great! We can’t even get out to find a hotel! 

I sipped at my glass of wine while huddled on the giant sofa wrapped in the biggest, fluffiest blanket I could find in the little airing cupboard next to the bedroom. There was an open fire that the housekeeper had lit for us before she had left, which I kept constantly fed. Though it was making little difference against the chill in the dark stonewalled rooms.

I was pissed off with Sebastian, and I wanted him to know it. I just wanted to stay at home and maybe go out on a few day trips, or go out eating and to a couple of bars. Not doss it in a shack in the middle of Russia, we had been to a few countries already and now I was getting a little bored, I was expecting a little bad weather, given where we were travelling to; but this was ridiculous!

‘You’re pissed with me?’ he strolled over to me. I said nothing, just continued to drink, ‘I can’t control the weather, my princess’ I detected a little mockery in his voice; this really riled me. How fucking dare he? I’m freezing my tits off here! I warned that douche bag that the weather was going to be a shit!

‘I did not ask you to control the weather Sebastian, I gave you a printout of what the weather was predicted to be like, and it did say that there would be snowstorms.’ I felt a spike of anger prickle up my neck but the wine was beginning to kick in and it soon dissipated to a warm alcoholic tingle.

He looked down at me; I looked pathetic in my fluffy blanket and thick socks. His usual comforting sweet smile returned to his face. ‘Yeah, you did didn’t you. You think of all those important details’ he took a seat next to me and pulled me close to him, wrapping my blanket around himself as well. ‘That’s one of the things I love about you’ he kissed me lightly on the forehead.

There it was; he did it again, instant forgiveness. He always knew how to completely melt my heart, but I wasn’t going to let him know that he was forgiven just yet. ‘One of the things?’ Go on smart boy list them!

‘Yes, one of the many things I love about you. Now stop pouting, I know you’ve forgiven me already. I can read that mind of yours. Almost as well as I can read your body.’ He ran his hand up my thigh; my skin tingled under his lingering fingers.

Resist you idiot! You’re supposed to be sulking remember! What is it about wine that makes me so easy to get in the mood? Oh yeah, the alcohol, and the fact that my man is teasingly close to my warm spot!

I had to give in; he looked so good in his red check shirt with flannel top underneath like a naughty John Bender from The Breakfast Club. His jeans were tight, outlining his ample goods within. I felt him staring as I looked down towards his manhood.

‘And what is my body saying at the moment?’ I raised my eyes to meet his.

‘That you want me to play you like a piano, which as you know, I am well adept at playing, fast or slow’ he shot a cheeky smile and winked at me. Show off!

‘You think a lot of yourself. I hope you can live up to all that bragging’ I swallowed the last mouthful of my wine, it smelled sweet and fruity, like a warm summers day; a stark contrast to the bleak surroundings I found myself in.

‘Oh you know I can babe’ Sebastian leaned forward and took the empty glass from my hand before throwing it into the fireplace. He took my face in his hands as his lightly callused pianists fingers traced my bottom lip. Looking deep into my eyes, he moved in to kiss me. I returned the affection, running my fingers through his light brown scruffy hair and pressing his lips hard to mine.

Feeling me responding to his kiss, he trailed his fingers down my neck, nimbly unbuttoning my shirt as he did. Turning his attention to my breasts, he sucked and nibbled my right nipple sending bullets of pleasure shooting down my body to my sex. With his right hand he worked on my left nipple, taking it between his thumb and forefinger and playing until it was rock hard.

‘Oh’ the sound escaped my lips as he made his way further down my torso, kissing and sucking as he came to rest just above my jeans. After unbuttoning the top of them he teasingly licked along the line of my pink lace thong. My body delighted in the warm soft texture of his tongue but wanted more. Come on Sebastian, if you can read my body and mind then you should know that I want you to hurry up and unzip!

Almost as if he heard my thoughts he obliged, skillfully removing my underwear as he pulled down my jeans and flung them over the back of the sofa.

Before I could take a breath, he had lowered his head deep between my thighs, hungrily licking and sucking at my most intimate parts. The feeling was amazing as his expert tongue worked on me in ways I could never achieve on my own. ‘I want you’ whispering vapour into the cold air, I tugged at his hair and he lifted his head.

Staring into his eyes I gave him a nod of permission. I heard the zip of his jeans as he undid them and set free his aching erection. As he guided himself inside me, I tugged at his shirt, removing it as fast as I could to get to the flannel top beneath. Lifting his flannel shirt off over his head, I exposed Sebastian’s chiseled torso. As he began rhythmically moving inside me, I breathed in his masculine scent, woody and clean.

We moved together, huddled under the blanket exploring each other’s bodies and physically expressing our love for one another.

I felt the heat, passion and pure pleasure rise from within my tightening walls as Sebastian’s thrusts became faster and more forceful. Taking me to the edge of ecstasy, Sebastian gave one final thrust before we both verbally exhaled our gratitude in unison. I felt my body unravel around him as he fell onto me.

We lay there for a while in total silence, side by side under the warmth of the blanket and our previous activity. ‘Well that kept us warm’ giving a sly grin, Sebastian interwove the fingers of his right hand with mine.

‘Mmm’ I replied as I nestled further into his side. Then it hit me, the realization. I gasped.

‘What, what’s the matter?’ Sebastian looked concerned as he turned onto his elbow to look at me.

I let out an uncontrollable giggle. ‘Tell me!’ he urged, now beginning to chuckle.

‘I left my fluffy socks on!’