Tag Archives: depression

Little Notes in Library Books IX

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Little Notes in Library Books IX

My face is full

My breast ample

My hips round 

My thighs sturdy 

I appear solid

But I am not solid

This is just a delicate shell

Thin paper walls

Hiding the truth 

Loud sounds to hide the inner silence 

Hollow, cold, lonely

So alone my heart shivers

No warmth of love 

No comfort, support 

No home within me 

Just this paper shell

Echos of hope now died 

Romantic scenes now haunting silouettes 

Jaded and hopeless

But for one dim glow

The pilot light

The one that cannot stop loving

Cannot burn all hope out

The cold nothing creeps upon it

Threatening to extinguish faith 

Reels tick over a projector 

The dreams of a young girl

A star, special magic eyes, a horse, a talented young prince 

Someday someday excuse

Unloveable and unloved 

Alone without a soulmate to help my light shine and fill me with hope and love 

Alone without the star of the flickering movie

Sometimes it is the most important thing to a person

Like air

Sometimes the need for love is what wastes us away and makes us hollow inside

When in the dark I think

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When in the dark I think

Sometimes my mind hurts me 

I say the wrong things

I push the argument

I play devils advocate just because

I make them hate me 

I hate me

I feel the pain of the other times

The times when I did this before

The time I pushed him to breaking

The time I made him hurt

The time he paid me back

The time he stopped caring

I created it and I use it now

I use it to strengthen the pain

I bathe in the pain 

I say the wrong things

I lose