I’m always scared
There’s no voice inside my head
That tells me I can’t do it
It’s just all of me
Everything about me
I try to push forward on the advice of others
But I’m still holding back
Am I the only one?
You are unique
But are you?
Aren’t you just like everyone else
You try so hard to be
You once didn’t care
A jolly laugh and scruffy hair
The phone that you spent your last penny on was once a cheerful plastic friend with a smiley face. He didn’t need to be upgraded.
Fashion was just a word to explain the cut up doll clothes and marker pen makeup
The random spinning and frantic wiggling has been replaced with a dance confined to a half meter square and involves self discipline and just the right pose.
Yes I do believe we are somewhat unique at first. We are free to be
But now? As you take the seventy third selfie of the day
As you adorn yourself with the popular fashion of the minute and force your hair to comply with what is on trend
Are you still as unique?
And is it all as fun as it was when you didn’t even know what a hashtag was?
What actually happens when you break from that group of clones?
Nothing. You don’t combust or lose everything. You’re just fine
No need to check social media. The trend today is whatever you make it.
The days hot topics don’t need hash tags and the food you eat is your choice not the most dominant “friend’s”
Don’t like that? Gone
Like that? Great!
No it’s not uncool. What does that even mean?
Fun isn’t it!
Now. Are you unique?
My face is full
My breast ample
My hips round
My thighs sturdy
I appear solid
But I am not solid
This is just a delicate shell
Thin paper walls
Hiding the truth
Loud sounds to hide the inner silence
Hollow, cold, lonely
So alone my heart shivers
No warmth of love
No comfort, support
No home within me
Just this paper shell
Echos of hope now died
Romantic scenes now haunting silouettes
Jaded and hopeless
But for one dim glow
The pilot light
The one that cannot stop loving
Cannot burn all hope out
The cold nothing creeps upon it
Threatening to extinguish faith
Reels tick over a projector
The dreams of a young girl
A star, special magic eyes, a horse, a talented young prince
Someday someday excuse
Unloveable and unloved
Alone without a soulmate to help my light shine and fill me with hope and love
Alone without the star of the flickering movie
Sometimes it is the most important thing to a person
Sometimes the need for love is what wastes us away and makes us hollow inside
A word to the wise
The strong man is never as expected
The weaker may surprise
Not arms nor legs nor shoulders defined
Not a strong brow or piercing eyes
Strength has not a physical form
It sits deep within the chest
Its doing your best, trying against all odds
He who is strong is unafraid to love
to laugh, to cry, to play, to work
He takes it in his stride, quietly being solid
He may not be the loudest or the daredevil
he may be the carer, the supporter, the safety of home
But he is strong, he is always true to himself
He is everything to those he loves and they him.
Yes, physicality is also strength
but don’t discount all others
you may find you have missed gold while mining for iron
Suddenly, a loud crash and clatter thundered from the projection room at the back of the cinema.
There was a crash of metal then “OUCH… where is that film?” More clattering and crashing sounds echoed through the room before Jasmine heard Kai’s muffled voice again: “BINGO! Right, that goes on there and then that bit goes onto there…flick the switch and, TAH DAH!”
The lights dimmed the screen came to life. The title Casablanca appeared on the screen in huge letters behind Jasmine. She waited a moment, looking up at the projection room and wondering if her fiancé was now lost under a sea of film cans. Eventually, the little door opened and Kai appeared looking rather flustered. His hair was now crumpled, his tie loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt undone. Jasmine giggled at the sorry sight.
“Have fun, did you?” she joked.
“Err, yeah… I guess I’m not very good with the with the filing system in there,” he blushed “I found it though, Casablanca. For you, my love.” He motioned towards the screen in a very Bill and Ted kind of way.
Bounding over to Jasmine, he joined her on the picnic blanket. Jasmine picked up a strawberry, dipped it in the thick cream and held it up for Kai who leant forward and took a bite.
“This is all so wonderful. Thank you,” she absentmindedly wiped a spot of cream from the corner of his mouth.
“Well, I figured you would get bored at this event, but I was stoked that you agreed to come and support me, so I arranged to have this all ready for you. It’s the least I could do for you after having to endure my speech.” He looked down at the blanket and picked at a loose thread.
“Your speeches are never boring.”
Jasmine cupped his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly. She found it odd kissing him when he had a beard, but she didn’t mind the bristles tickling her face too much.
He rose to his knees so that he could lean in closer towards her. She draped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair as he took of his jacket and waistcoat. His mouth continued exploring hers before moving down her neck to her shoulder. He reached around and expertly unzipped her dress with one hand. As he pulled the dress down to her waist, his hands cupped and caressed her breasts before he trailed kisses back up to her mouth.
Jasmine moved her hands down from his hair to his chest where she located and undid the buttons of his shirt before pulling it down his arms. He swiftly took off his cufflinks and pulled the shirt off, tossing it aside. Kai gripped Jasmine’s thighs, pulling her legs either side of him, hitching up the long silver material.
He looked deep into her eyes as if asking permission. As she smiled back at him, he lowered her back until she was lying out on the blanket. He kissed her again, this time more passionately but still tender and lovingly.
Jasmine moved her hands down to the fly of his trousers and pulled down the zipper. Kai progressed slowly and gently inside her, moving like waves onto the sand on a calm summer’s day. Under the projection of the film, Jasmine and Kai tenderly made love to one another as though it was the first time. Only on that perfect night, did they both feel the magnitude of their growing love for each other.
As the film flicked around on the wheel creating a fluttering light in the darkness, Jasmine and Kai lay on the blanket together; holding hands before both falling asleep.
Sometimes my mind hurts me
I say the wrong things
I push the argument
I play devils advocate just because
I make them hate me
I hate me
I feel the pain of the other times
The times when I did this before
The time I pushed him to breaking
The time I made him hurt
The time he paid me back
The time he stopped caring
I created it and I use it now
I use it to strengthen the pain
I bathe in the pain
I say the wrong things