Category Archives: writing

Little Notes In Library Books XIV

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Little Notes In Library Books XIV

(Photo courtesy of google images)

Sometimes I feel like there's a hand in my stomach squeezing and twisting all the way up to my throat
The cold claws dig deep into my scalp releasing a stinging venom that trickles down my eyes and cheeks
Steel rods punch into my sternum with a force that could knock down the most muscular body
A large burning ball in my throat nearly chokes me to death and I swallow hard to shift it
That's when the despair, distress, alarm, fear, helplessness kicks in
That's when I feel I've lost all control
When I know I can't keep everyone safe
When my mind races with exaggerated scenarios and shows me scenes I don't want to think about
Oh I'm sorry, do I seem a little snappy?
It's ok, don't you worry about a thing; I'm fine… really

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Little Notes In Library Books X

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You are unique

Inspirational right? 

But are you?  

Aren’t you just like everyone else

You try so hard to be

You once didn’t care

A jolly laugh and scruffy hair

The phone that you spent your last penny on was once a cheerful plastic friend with a smiley face. He didn’t need to be upgraded. 

Fashion was just a word to explain the cut up doll clothes and marker pen makeup

The random spinning and frantic wiggling has been replaced with a dance confined to a half meter square and involves self discipline and just the right pose.

Yes I do believe we are somewhat unique at first. We are free to be 

But now?  As you take the seventy third selfie of the day 

As you adorn yourself with the popular fashion of the minute and force your hair to comply with what is on trend

Are you still as unique? 

And is it all as fun as it was when you didn’t even know what a hashtag was? 

What actually happens when you break from that group of clones? 

Nothing. You don’t combust or lose everything. You’re just fine 

No need to check social media. The trend today is whatever you make it. 

 The days hot topics don’t need hash tags and the food you eat is your choice not the most dominant “friend’s”

Don’t like that?  Gone

Like that?  Great! 

No it’s not uncool.  What does that even mean?  

Fun isn’t it! 

Now. Are you unique? 

Little Notes in Library Books IX

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Little Notes in Library Books IX

My face is full

My breast ample

My hips round 

My thighs sturdy 

I appear solid

But I am not solid

This is just a delicate shell

Thin paper walls

Hiding the truth 

Loud sounds to hide the inner silence 

Hollow, cold, lonely

So alone my heart shivers

No warmth of love 

No comfort, support 

No home within me 

Just this paper shell

Echos of hope now died 

Romantic scenes now haunting silouettes 

Jaded and hopeless

But for one dim glow

The pilot light

The one that cannot stop loving

Cannot burn all hope out

The cold nothing creeps upon it

Threatening to extinguish faith 

Reels tick over a projector 

The dreams of a young girl

A star, special magic eyes, a horse, a talented young prince 

Someday someday excuse

Unloveable and unloved 

Alone without a soulmate to help my light shine and fill me with hope and love 

Alone without the star of the flickering movie

Sometimes it is the most important thing to a person

Like air

Sometimes the need for love is what wastes us away and makes us hollow inside

Little notes in library books VIII

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Little notes in library books VIII

A word to the wise

The strong man is never as expected

The weaker may surprise

Not arms nor legs nor shoulders defined

Not a strong brow or piercing eyes

Strength has not a physical form

It sits deep within the chest

Its doing your best, trying against all odds

He who is strong is unafraid to love

to laugh, to cry, to play, to work

He takes it in his stride, quietly being solid

He may not be the loudest or the daredevil

he may be the carer, the supporter, the safety of home

But he is strong, he is always true to himself

He is everything to those he loves and they him.

Yes, physicality is also strength

but don’t discount all others

you may find you have missed gold while mining for iron

The directors dinner Part III

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The directors dinner Part III

Suddenly, a loud crash and clatter thundered from the projection room at the back of the cinema.

“FUCKING REELS!”

There was a crash of metal then “OUCH… where is that film?” More clattering and crashing sounds echoed through the room before Jasmine heard Kai’s muffled voice again: “BINGO! Right, that goes on there and then that bit goes onto there…flick the switch and, TAH DAH!”

The lights dimmed the screen came to life. The title Casablanca appeared on the screen in huge letters behind Jasmine. She waited a moment, looking up at the projection room and wondering if her fiancé was now lost under a sea of film cans. Eventually, the little door opened and Kai appeared looking rather flustered. His hair was now crumpled, his tie loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt undone. Jasmine giggled at the sorry sight.

“Have fun, did you?” she joked.

“Err, yeah… I guess I’m not very good with the with the filing system in there,” he blushed “I found it though, Casablanca. For you, my love.” He motioned towards the screen in a very Bill and Ted kind of way.

Bounding over to Jasmine, he joined her on the picnic blanket. Jasmine picked up a strawberry, dipped it in the thick cream and held it up for Kai who leant forward and took a bite.

“This is all so wonderful. Thank you,” she absentmindedly wiped a spot of cream from the corner of his mouth.

“Well, I figured you would get bored at this event, but I was stoked that you agreed to come and support me, so I arranged to have this all ready for you. It’s the least I could do for you after having to endure my speech.” He looked down at the blanket and picked at a loose thread.

“Your speeches are never boring.”

Jasmine cupped his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly. She found it odd kissing him when he had a beard, but she didn’t mind the bristles tickling her face too much.

He rose to his knees so that he could lean in closer towards her. She draped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair as he took of his jacket and waistcoat. His mouth continued exploring hers before moving down her neck to her shoulder. He reached around and expertly unzipped her dress with one hand. As he pulled the dress down to her waist, his hands cupped and caressed her breasts before he trailed kisses back up to her mouth.

Jasmine moved her hands down from his hair to his chest where she located and undid the buttons of his shirt before pulling it down his arms. He swiftly took off his cufflinks and pulled the shirt off, tossing it aside. Kai gripped Jasmine’s thighs, pulling her legs either side of him, hitching up the long silver material.

He looked deep into her eyes as if asking permission. As she smiled back at him, he lowered her back until she was lying out on the blanket. He kissed her again, this time more passionately but still tender and lovingly.

Jasmine moved her hands down to the fly of his trousers and pulled down the zipper. Kai progressed slowly and gently inside her, moving like waves onto the sand on a calm summer’s day. Under the projection of the film, Jasmine and Kai tenderly made love to one another as though it was the first time. Only on that perfect night, did they both feel the magnitude of their growing love for each other.

As the film flicked around on the wheel creating a fluttering light in the darkness, Jasmine and Kai lay on the blanket together; holding hands before both falling asleep.